


Elegy for a Hanged Man.

by moth2fic



Category: Spooks
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-20
Updated: 2007-01-20
Packaged: 2017-10-11 04:15:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/108270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moth2fic/pseuds/moth2fic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Malcolm tries to come to terms with Colin's death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Elegy for a Hanged Man.

**Author's Note:**

> When the BBC, who own these characters, made my pairing from 'Smiling' canon, but destroyed one of the pair, I felt forced to write this. It is sad and dark and mirrors my mood after the episode concerned. I make no apology for it but if you want happy endings don't read further.
> 
> No beta - I wrote and posted it rapidly - the day after I watched the episode.

It simply wasn't possible.  
Someone had made a mistake.  
It couldn't be Colin.  
Colin wasn't one of them. Wasn't a spook. At least not an active one. Colin was a backroom boy. A boffin.  
So it stood to reason it couldn't be Colin.

But even as one half of his mind thought this, the other half took in the awful truth that it was indeed Colin hanging in a wood.

You probably weren't allowed to scream loudly for five minutes in Thames House. That would have to wait till he got home. Meanwhile there was a job to be done and that smug bastard Carter reminding him that smiling might help catch the killers. He had forced one side of his lips to twitch and Adam had approved. So had the others, judging by the sympathetic glances and hushed voices.

But while he was busy saving the country the underneath part of his brain was trying, not very successfully, to save his sanity.

They'd had such a short time. He remembered every moment. The initial hesitation and disbelief. The awkwardness of the first overtures. The fun and the laughter. The sharing. The rainbow-filled cracks appearing in the overall greyness of life. He had been so diffident then so amazed. So proud. He had wallowed in the glory of it all. And then he'd begun to worry about what would happen as they aged. How difficult it would be to walk away gracefully so that Colin wouldn't be burdened with caring for him in later years. How stupid and wrong could you be?

Now he would be alone with just a few memories. Nobody to talk to. Nobody to laugh with. Nobody to listen when he said, 'Did you see?' 'Did you hear?' 'Did you know?' Nobody to choose little gifts for - a quirky tie from Tie-Rack, a 'find' on a secondhand book stall, an interesting gadget on ebay. Nobody to watch the History Channel with. Nobody to share special occasions at specially chosen restaurants. Nobody to wish him a happy new year.

And if only. If only he'd been alerted by losing contact. Could they have been in time? Zaf said probably not and Ruth said definitely not but still. If only.

He recalled the lines about it being better to have loved and lost etc. They weren't much help yet.

He would have to arrange a memorial. Perhaps it would keep his mind off things. Give him something to concentrate on. Now that the future for the country was secured, till tomorrow, anyway.

Harry would do a reading. Thank God for Harry. Thank God Adam had saved Harry. Britain needed men like Harry. And for all his smugness, Adam was the future of the nation. The others, too.

As for his own future, it looked increasingly long and lonely. Grey again. But he was of the old school, and could keep his upper lip reasonably stiff in public. Besides, Colin would have wanted him to carry on.

 

finis


End file.
